Is chivalry dead? What do you think?

Call me old fashioned, but I believe that chivalry isn’t dead.

The damsel in distress is trapped in the tower of the enemy’s castle. Her only hope for survival is the prince, her knight in shining armor who will climb up the tower to rescue his princess and carry her off into the sunset. He jumps over the moat, climbs the tower, lifts her up over his shoulder, and props her onto the horse. He slays the dragon and the happy couple are whisked away into the flickering night sky. Ok, now back to reality…
where knights don’t exist, dragons don’t exist, and to some, where chivalry doesn’t exist.

I absolutely love being asked this question because I never have the same answer but it’s always a variation of a previous answer. My fellow blogger Bruna was on point when she described that is depends on who you’re asking:

“If you’re a guy and consider yourself a true gentleman, you’d say false. If you’re a guy that’s not a gentleman, you’d probably still say false because you don’t wanna look like a douche. Ladies will have all kinds of answers depending on their experiences.”

Since this answer is clearly subjective and there will never be a correct answer, I’ll go ahead and state my POV. “Chivalry isn’t dead, it’s on life support.” I’m not sure who to give credit to for that quote since I’ve seen many authors claim to be their work. Claiming that it’s on life support is the best way I thought to describe it’s current status since it’s not as evident as it probably should be. I don’t believe that we can place the entire blame on men for not being chivalrous because as progressive as this society is, there are women out there who take it the wrong way and interpret it as they’re inferior.

I can open my own door. I can pay for my own drink. I can carry my own bags. I can hold my own umbrella. As men, we’ve probably heard a variation of this sometime in our life. Ladies, we know that you’re capable of doing all of the above but you shouldn’t. Obviously the more serious you get into a relationship you tend to split the bill or take turns paying for the bill (wanna go halfsies?).  Let me reiterate the fact that we know you’re capable of doing so but you shouldn’t. I believe that men have perhaps become confused on how to treat a woman because of women’s ambivalence about chivalry. Will paying for the date or opening the door be interpreted as sexist? Will offering to hold your groceries imply that you’re weak? This is what I mean. These once chivalrous acts have now transcended into meaning that because we’re offering to do certain acts, we believe that you’re inferior. That’s a bit extreme, but I know that women love their modern independence in love and in life, but deep down, they just want to be treated like a lady. It’s an understanding that had to be broken down by mother. Yes, my mother.

This is where I feel where you’re coming from ladies. Say you go on a first date and a man is the utmost gentleman where he is punctual, walks to your door to pick you up, opens every door, refuses to let you pay for the bill, and finally takes you home. Now what? The expectation from women that I’ve spoken to is that because you were prince charming on the first date is that now you expect an invite inside for some sex (lets be real fellas). I completely understand and I actually don’t disagree with you. From the stories that I’ve heard, I’d say that in about 3/4 of all first dates, men expect some lovin’ in return for how well the date went. You can ask men who won’t tell you the honest answer and you can ask the ladies who have felt that pressure but that hypothesis is in the ball park. As prevalent as “hooking up” has become, it’s not uncommon for a woman to question a man’s motives because of this. Now where are the chivalrous nice guys at? We’re in the friend zone, right where you left us. Truth.

What is chivalry though? Although the term has a definite meaning, the interpretation is subjective. Women want to be courted and grand gestures are completely unnecessary. Women just want someone they can count on. Anyone can buy a luxurious purse, some Christian Louboutin heels, a Tiffany bracelet, but can you plan a creative date, send her flowers for no apparent reason, surprise her with something you created? I’ve realized that doing the little things for her is a screening process and can be the deal breaker.

“Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication”

I’ve asked a couple friends and we came up with a plethora of ways to be chivalrous. Notice how these don’t concern money at all. You’re welcome.

• Be a man of your word- If you’re going to call- do so. If you plan a date at 8pm- be on time. Punctuality is everything. Women crave reliability but no longer anticipate it. 
• Avoiding games- Be a man, not a boy. Let them know what you want regardless if it may not be what they want. You’ll be respected for it. Don’t beat around the bush.
• Getting the car when it’s raining- You’re out on a date and you parked 5 blocks from the venue because there wasn’t any valet or closer parking. Drop her off in front of the restaurant before the date and go get the car after the date. It’s really that simple. We know that’s why they invented umbrellas but I’m sure walking in heels in the rain isn’t that exciting- yet alone walking in heels. How do they do that for a whole day?
• Small, public gestures of affection- Most women don’t enjoy all out PDA but holding their hands and occasional pecks on the cheek or forehead will make her swoon. Bet.
• Always lend a hand- If she’s struggling to carry a heavy load or she’s juggling multiple items, lend her a hand- even if you don’t know her. This actually can pertain to anyone.
• Make her your everything in front of everyone every time. – Acknowledge that she is there and don’t be afraid to let everyone in the room know it.
• Honesty and loyalty- No one likes a liar and no one likes a cheater. You get it.
• Uplift her- Every woman is insecure in some fashion. Compliments will limit that.
• Give without the expectation of receiving- Put more into the world than what you take out.
• Privacy- Keep your arguments between the two of you and not with the world. I’ve seen so many couples blast each other on social networks and it eventually tarnishes and destructs the relationship. No need to do all of that.

What do you think? E-mail, comment, Facebook, Twitter, anything. Feedback is more than welcome!

I still have hope for the male species.

Vibin’ with Kathya

Facebook: Kathya Guevara
Twitter: Kathyavanessa22
Instagram: Kaaattbrizzzle

It seems that life passes by faster than we realize and we rarely take the time to really get to know others in our lives. Whether that be friends, acquaintances, family, or even spouses, how much do we really know about that person? I earnestly enjoy sitting down with people and discussing life’s blessings, hence, I’ll be “interviewing” people a couple times a month to vibe with them and to really get to know them on a different level. I’ve realized that as we get caught up in a daily routine, we don’t nearly make as much time for those around us as that we’d like. Do you ever think to yourself, “Geez, I haven’t talked to this person in forever.. I wonder what they’ve been up to?” or “I don’t know much about this person but they seem like someone I’d get along with” or even “I used to be so close to _______, what happened along the way?”. We’ve become so reliant on social media, that we don’t feel the need to pick up a phone or go out with someone because of the accessibility we have.

“I don’t like breakfast”

I’m not going to lie, as soon as I heard her say this I was going to immediately delete her from every social network (it’s not official unless it’s on facebook/twitter/instagram). Just kidding (but really…). Who doesn’t like breakfast? I can eat breakfast any time of the day and even just scrambled eggs would suffice. I sat down with my friend Kathya in Studio City about a month ago because I was hella eager to sit down with someone that I could interview for my blog. Mind you, we haven’t had an actual conversation in person as we were more of acquaintances through mutual friends. I had a couple questions in mind along with several topics that I wanted to cover, but I told myself that I would let the “interview” flow so that it wasn’t questions and answers back and forth but rather a conversation. It worked! We talked about everything- from the transition of high school to college, her trip to east coast earlier this year, relationships, the lifestyle in LA, and so forth.

As a 19 year student at CSUN (Go Matadors!), Kathya manages a schedule similar to most students that are attending college- work and school. However, while most students in college spend their nights and/or weekends hitting the club or attending parties she rather spend her free time with her boyfriend and family. It warms my heart to know how family oriented she is because as young adults some of us tend to drift apart from those that raised us or those that we were raised with. The way she spoke about her passion and love for her family told me one thing- she has a heart of gold. Check out some of the questions that were asked along with some quotes:

What do you think you’re most insecure about?
“Being affectionate. I think that it’s the way I grew up since my parents weren’t very affectionate. I try not to be too affectionate sometimes because I feel like I’m throwing myself out there and I never really had a good example”.

If you were to change places with anyone dead/alive who would it be?
“My mother. She’s been through a lot and I think that since I have a stronger personality (stronger character), I’d be able to make different choices for her benefit.”

“I’m really simple. The way I dress. The gifts I give..”

Would you ever approach a guy?
“I used to do that but not anymore. I don’t like to chase, I like to be chased.”

What should men absolutely do on the first date?
“Be on time, open the door, walk me to my door, and pay. Especially if he’s asking me out, I would expect him to be a complete gentleman.”

What’s your biggest pet peeve?
“You know when people’s jean pockets are sticking out? Yea, I just want to stick them back in. It’s annoying.”

If your boyfriend were to describe you in one word, what would it be?
“Big- hearted.”

If Hollywood made a movie about your life, who would you want to see play you?
“Alicia Keys because of how multi- talented she is and how she carries herself.”

What would you consider as the complete opposite of you?
“I don’t there’s anything completely opposite of me. I can be reserved but I definitely know how to have fun. There’s a time and place for everything.”

“The first couple years of high school I was a rebel child and then it wasn’t until later in high school was I able to put myself together.”

There were probably 30-40 questions asked between the both of us but I chose the one’s that I believed best represented her. Needless to say it was an amazing time and I really appreciated her taking the time to help me out on this project. Thank you Kathya!