The Law of the Garbage Truck

“Many people are like garbage trucks. They run around full of garbage, full of frustration, full of anger, and full of disappointment. As their garbage piles up, they look for a place to dump it. And if you let them, they’ll dump it on you. So when someone wants to dump on you, don’t take it personally. Just smile, wave, wish them well, and move on. Believe me. You’ll be happier.”

Joel Osteen refers to this theory in his book, “Everyday a Friday”, which is actually a book written by the author David P. Jollay. Do you ever notice that when an argument is occurring, the person who appears to be more choleric increasingly becomes angrier because the other person is placid and collected? From my experience, I know that if you’re able to control your emotions, you’re less likely to say something that you will regret later down the road. Don’t make permanent decisions over temporary feelings. Although you might have said something in the heat of the moment, the other person will ALWAYS remember what you said (don’t you?). What do you benefit from being angry or getting upset? If you’re able to touch on subjects in a cordial and respectable manner amongst your peers, I’m sure that you’ll either reach a compromise or you might even get what you want (go figure). However, by screaming, cursing, or disrespecting the other person, you’re more susceptible to lose that battle. Put your ego aside, it’s not worth it.

If somebody drops a load of garbage on you, don’t be upset, angry, or offended. If you let them drop a load on you, you’ll make the same mistake as they did and you’ll end up dropping a load on someone else. Put a lid on it. Recycle the garbage. If you constantly are emptying the trash, you won’t have any garbage and you’ll be able to carry on with your life. If you do have garbage and you don’t think that you can take it out by yourself or recycle it, don’t be afraid to call upon a friend or a family member and help you release the garbage. Sometimes all you need is someone there that will take the time to assist you. For some people, they don’t even need someone to talk. Just listen. We let insults bother us because we feel that someone failed to show us the respect and the approval that we believe we need. Just smile, wave, and move on. They’re looking for a response and when you let them know that they got to you, you’re reinforcing their actions which is the last thing you need to light their fuel.

Change is the only constant

Why are we afraid of change? Simply put, it’s because we don’t want to go outside of our comfort zone. We place ourselves within a fenced area that anytime we step outside the fences we don’t know what to do with ourselves. Ask yourself this question, what would you do if you weren’t afraid? Think about it for a second… or multiple seconds.. or a minute.. or two. Think of the endless possibilities of what you could accomplish if you knew you had nothing to lose. Who knows, a change might be around the corner but instead of making that turn you keep walking straight in the same line that you’ve always been on course for.

“It is not the strongest of the species that survives, nor the most intelligent that survives. It is the one that is the most adaptable to change.”

The most beautiful thing about life is that if you don’t like the state that you’re in, you can change it. We’re so blessed to have so many resources such as education and technology  that we often take these things for granted. The stars do not have to align in order for you to make the best out of the situation. Like I’ve said several times before, you can’t change your circumstances but you can change your perspective. Life is going to throw curve balls at you and it is by far going to put the most burden on you, however, if you take those lessons and pull the positive out of it, I’m sure you’ll be much more happy. If you know you are better and can do better, what’s stopping you from going out there and doing so? If you know you deserve a better lifestyle, what’s stopping you from making that change? It’s only when we change and grow, is when we see a whole new world that we never knew existed.

“Change is the only constant. Hanging on is the only sin.”

I see so many of my peers caught in this limbo stage of not knowing what to do in the next chapter of the life but I steadily begin to see that they’re still hanging onto the past. We all have memories that we want to keep which we hold close to our heart, but by doing so the only thing that you’re doing is clipping your wings. Change has to come within and you cannot depend on anyone else to make that change for you. You can only change if you want to change. Do yourself a favor and embrace change and adapt to your surroundings. It’s such a beautiful thing when you let go and let God.

 

Get your mind right before you get your body right

I’m not sure if it’s because of the age range I’m in or if people really have their priorities messed up (could be both), but riddle me this: Why are people so concerned with their physical image when they don’t have their other priorities sorted out? If I go on any social network, I’m sure one of the first images or status updates is in relation to the gym or showing the world a “new and improved you”. Congrats, now what? Are you going to graduate college with that body? Perhaps you might even find a career with that physique. This is me venting.

I’m not by any means knocking people who are fit and successful in their respective fields but I don’t believe you should be more concerned about the way you look if you don’t have the rest of your life together. I’m all for working out and maintaining a healthy lifestyle as long as you have all of your priorities in line. Am I saying that you should binge on fast food and not work out until you have your life together? No. I am saying that you need to realize what your priorities are. Think about it.. if you dedicated just as much time going to the gym as you did on studying or finding a career, perhaps you’d graduate by now or have a career. As someone in their 20’s and living in Los Angeles, I found that you’re constantly in an uphill battle to look better and to have more luxurious items than everyone else. Stop focusing on what other people look like or have and worry about yourself, because those other people that you’re comparing yourself to are probably looking at others and doing the same thing. It’s a never ending cycle.

Focus on what matters the most in your life. What do you value the most in your life? If you’re going to complain that you’re taking forever to graduate or find a stable career, look at where your time is going. Is it being used as efficiently as possible? Can you sacrifice things in order to achieve what you want? You need to be able to assess what you want in life and what you need because what you want is not always going to translate into what you need. Get your mind right before you get your body right and if you’re amazing at multi- tasking, do both! However, don’t get so caught in the way that you look that you sweep all your other priorities under the rug. You need to focus on your main goal and can’t be sidetracked by temporary pleasures (this pertains to everything in life).

Focus.

Act your wage

How often do we see people wearing the most exorbitant designer brands, driving exotic sport cars, living in multi- million dollar mansions, etc.? How about going to a club in Hollywood and seeing people with bottle service? I’m positive that if you’re a person living in Los Angeles, you’ve been exposed to either of these situations and if you haven’t, I’m sure you’ve seen something rather germane in the media. At some point you have either consciously or subconsciously asked yourself, “I wonder what they do for a living to live that sort of lifestyle”, or probably something along the lines as, “Where did they get that type of money to afford that”?. I believe it’s safe to assume that there’s a considerable amount of people that can’t actually afford that sort of lifestyle which leads me to this concept of acting your wage.

This concept is extremely simple and I don’t want people to think that there’s more to it . It essentially just means that your lifestyle should be a reflection of what you make. I’m not by any means stating that you shouldn’t reward yourself with luxurious items or with an expensive spa treatment, but if you’re someone that is in their early to mid 20’s, I think it’s safe to assume that investing in these items on a consistent basis is not reflective of what you make. There’s always going to be exceptions to this rule, but I just want to encourage those to not get caught up in these materialistic items. Being someone in your 20’s, more often than not your trying to establish your identity in life and you’re looking to find out who you really are. Somewhere along this process temptation becomes more prevalent and people will let these items of materialistic nature define who they are. They’re so caught up in who’s wearing what, who’s driving what, and who’s going where that they’re more focused on others than they are on themselves. This is one of my favorite quotes that sums up this concept of acting your wage:

“We spend money that we do not have, on things we do not need, to impress people who do not care.”

There’s an abundance of young adults who are financially illiterate and due to external factors they’re easily convinced that they need validation from others in order to define who they are. Being someone that is adequately simple but can appreciate the finer things in life, I’m constantly being tempted to indulge in something that I know I can’t realistically afford but I’ve learned that it takes a person with discipline to resist the temptation. It always goes back to what people value in their life. Some people don’t mind spending hundreds of dollars going to events like Coachella while others rather use that money on a plane ticket somewhere. Some people rather spend hundreds (if not thousands) of dollars getting bottle service while others rather spend it on a wine tasting tour in the Santa Ynez Valley. I can’t knock anyone for their values, but if you’re not making “baller” money you shouldn’t be living a “baller” lifestyle. You have champagne taste but have beer money.

Is chivalry dead? What do you think?

Call me old fashioned, but I believe that chivalry isn’t dead.

The damsel in distress is trapped in the tower of the enemy’s castle. Her only hope for survival is the prince, her knight in shining armor who will climb up the tower to rescue his princess and carry her off into the sunset. He jumps over the moat, climbs the tower, lifts her up over his shoulder, and props her onto the horse. He slays the dragon and the happy couple are whisked away into the flickering night sky. Ok, now back to reality…
where knights don’t exist, dragons don’t exist, and to some, where chivalry doesn’t exist.

I absolutely love being asked this question because I never have the same answer but it’s always a variation of a previous answer. My fellow blogger Bruna was on point when she described that is depends on who you’re asking:

“If you’re a guy and consider yourself a true gentleman, you’d say false. If you’re a guy that’s not a gentleman, you’d probably still say false because you don’t wanna look like a douche. Ladies will have all kinds of answers depending on their experiences.”

Since this answer is clearly subjective and there will never be a correct answer, I’ll go ahead and state my POV. “Chivalry isn’t dead, it’s on life support.” I’m not sure who to give credit to for that quote since I’ve seen many authors claim to be their work. Claiming that it’s on life support is the best way I thought to describe it’s current status since it’s not as evident as it probably should be. I don’t believe that we can place the entire blame on men for not being chivalrous because as progressive as this society is, there are women out there who take it the wrong way and interpret it as they’re inferior.

I can open my own door. I can pay for my own drink. I can carry my own bags. I can hold my own umbrella. As men, we’ve probably heard a variation of this sometime in our life. Ladies, we know that you’re capable of doing all of the above but you shouldn’t. Obviously the more serious you get into a relationship you tend to split the bill or take turns paying for the bill (wanna go halfsies?).  Let me reiterate the fact that we know you’re capable of doing so but you shouldn’t. I believe that men have perhaps become confused on how to treat a woman because of women’s ambivalence about chivalry. Will paying for the date or opening the door be interpreted as sexist? Will offering to hold your groceries imply that you’re weak? This is what I mean. These once chivalrous acts have now transcended into meaning that because we’re offering to do certain acts, we believe that you’re inferior. That’s a bit extreme, but I know that women love their modern independence in love and in life, but deep down, they just want to be treated like a lady. It’s an understanding that had to be broken down by mother. Yes, my mother.

This is where I feel where you’re coming from ladies. Say you go on a first date and a man is the utmost gentleman where he is punctual, walks to your door to pick you up, opens every door, refuses to let you pay for the bill, and finally takes you home. Now what? The expectation from women that I’ve spoken to is that because you were prince charming on the first date is that now you expect an invite inside for some sex (lets be real fellas). I completely understand and I actually don’t disagree with you. From the stories that I’ve heard, I’d say that in about 3/4 of all first dates, men expect some lovin’ in return for how well the date went. You can ask men who won’t tell you the honest answer and you can ask the ladies who have felt that pressure but that hypothesis is in the ball park. As prevalent as “hooking up” has become, it’s not uncommon for a woman to question a man’s motives because of this. Now where are the chivalrous nice guys at? We’re in the friend zone, right where you left us. Truth.

What is chivalry though? Although the term has a definite meaning, the interpretation is subjective. Women want to be courted and grand gestures are completely unnecessary. Women just want someone they can count on. Anyone can buy a luxurious purse, some Christian Louboutin heels, a Tiffany bracelet, but can you plan a creative date, send her flowers for no apparent reason, surprise her with something you created? I’ve realized that doing the little things for her is a screening process and can be the deal breaker.

“Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication”

I’ve asked a couple friends and we came up with a plethora of ways to be chivalrous. Notice how these don’t concern money at all. You’re welcome.

• Be a man of your word- If you’re going to call- do so. If you plan a date at 8pm- be on time. Punctuality is everything. Women crave reliability but no longer anticipate it. 
• Avoiding games- Be a man, not a boy. Let them know what you want regardless if it may not be what they want. You’ll be respected for it. Don’t beat around the bush.
• Getting the car when it’s raining- You’re out on a date and you parked 5 blocks from the venue because there wasn’t any valet or closer parking. Drop her off in front of the restaurant before the date and go get the car after the date. It’s really that simple. We know that’s why they invented umbrellas but I’m sure walking in heels in the rain isn’t that exciting- yet alone walking in heels. How do they do that for a whole day?
• Small, public gestures of affection- Most women don’t enjoy all out PDA but holding their hands and occasional pecks on the cheek or forehead will make her swoon. Bet.
• Always lend a hand- If she’s struggling to carry a heavy load or she’s juggling multiple items, lend her a hand- even if you don’t know her. This actually can pertain to anyone.
• Make her your everything in front of everyone every time. – Acknowledge that she is there and don’t be afraid to let everyone in the room know it.
• Honesty and loyalty- No one likes a liar and no one likes a cheater. You get it.
• Uplift her- Every woman is insecure in some fashion. Compliments will limit that.
• Give without the expectation of receiving- Put more into the world than what you take out.
• Privacy- Keep your arguments between the two of you and not with the world. I’ve seen so many couples blast each other on social networks and it eventually tarnishes and destructs the relationship. No need to do all of that.

What do you think? E-mail, comment, Facebook, Twitter, anything. Feedback is more than welcome!

I still have hope for the male species.

Happy thoughts

 Happiness is a choice.

I’ve been reading numerous inspirational books since the year began and I’d highly recommend reading “Every Day a Friday” by Joel Osteen (you’ve probably seen him on KTLA at 6am on a Sunday). This book was referred to me by my friend/co- worker Rachele and I couldn’t keep my hands off the book once I picked it up. It’s actually on my iPad, so I’m not sure if the previous statement made any sense but you know where I was headed. It essentially speaks about how people tend to be happier on Fridays for obvious reasons: it’s the end of the week, it’s finally time to relax, mini- vacations, spending time with that special someone, etc. The best advice I received from this book is that, “How you live your life is totally up to you. It’s not dependent on your circumstances. It’s dependent on your choices.”

As simple as this may seem, it took me 23 years to realize that I should only worry about issues that I can control. I made a promise to myself a couple months back that I would have a more positive mindset and get rid of any other variables that may change that. More often than not we complain about the circumstances that we’re in. I’ve found myself complaining about how I have to go to work on a particular day but the mindset that I should have is that I get to go to work. This means that I’ve been blessed enough to have a career, while there’s others struggling to find a job. I’m sure we’ve all complained about how we’re constantly stuck in traffic, but at least you have a motor vehicle to get you from point A to point B while others don’t have that luxury. Abraham Lincoln said it best, “Most people are as happy as they’ve decided to be.” If you wake up with a smile on your face and a positive outlook on the day, it sets the tone for the rest of the day. Granted it may not always go as smooth as you’d like but focus on the issues that you can control. You may have some setbacks and your circumstances may change, but don’t let that change your mind. Keep it set on happiness.

I’ve found that more times than not we have what we need to be happy but we don’t have the right perspective. Everyone has something to be happy about right now. Whether that be our health, our jobs, our family, a spouse, or even an opportunity. Living in today’s society it’s fairly easy to take things for granted and not appreciate what we have. We always want more but don’t necessarily need more. We feel like we’re entitled to certain things but we don’t want to work for it. I’ve also found that we can create our own unhappiness by seeing what’s wrong rather than what’s right.

You choose the people that you surround yourself with which may easily have a direct or indirect impact on your happiness. Surround yourself with those who will uplift you and make you a better person. If they’re not pushing you up, they’re just pulling you down. In the past I’ve found myself trying to please others even if it was at the expense of my own happiness. When you let people squeeze you into their mold, you lose your uniqueness and essentially you also lose your identity. The older I get the more I appreciate how small my circle has become. Small circle, no squares. People will come in and out of your life, whether it be for a reason or a season or sometimes even both.

“Nothing happens to us; it happens for us”