You never get a second chance to make a first impression

First impressions are everything.

When you first meet someone, you’re never really “you”, but  an ambassador of yourself. In more simple terms, you have an alternate identity that you use to represent yourself, but more times than not, that’s not actually you. Depending on who you’re introducing yourself to will dictate how eloquent you speak, your attitude, your tone of voice, the way you shake hands, an even how you introduce yourself. For example, if you’re introducing yourself to a colleague, you’re going to give a firm handshake, make eye contact, smile, straighten your posture, and probably throw in a “yes sir” or “yes ma’am” for good measure. Now if you’re introducing yourself to a friend of a friend at a party, bar, etc. you’re probably not going to be as firm with the handshake, won’t care about your posture, and lead with “what’s up man?” or “How do you know…”. This will obviously vary based on the occasion or who you’re speaking to, but the point is first impressions matter.

Carol Goman wrote an article for Forbes a few years back that I bookmarked which covers what you need to do in order to make a solid first impression in seven seconds. Based on these nonverbal cues, one can make several computations including: “Are you someone to approach or to avoid? Are you friend or foe? Do you have status and authority? Are you trustworthy, competent, likeable, confident?.” To sum up the article, here are several nonverbal cues you can do to make a positive first impression:

1. Adjust your attitude
2. Straighten your posture
3. Smile
4. Make eye contact
5. Raise your eyebrow
6. Shake hands
7. Lean in slightly

Now how does this translate into dating? Great question! I may not know what to do, but from experience I can tell you what not to do- which may be just as (if not more) valuable.

Although I’ve been distant from the dating scene for awhile, I think I’ve finally mastered the art of the “first impression”. This may be contradictory to the fact that I’m still single but lets imagine that my relationship status was insignificant for this topic. Whether you’re out painting the town red or this is your first date with another person, what you wear is arguably the most important thing. This is where judging a book by a cover matters- yea, I went there. Gentlemen, a dapper suit for women is equivalent to what lingerie is for us. Dress to impress: make sure you’re groomed, collared shirt (tucked in), slacks, and some wingtip shoes should do the trick. Granted, adding subtle accessories such as suspenders, a tie (bow tie), colorful socks, and a watch will let the woman know that you mean business. The goal of dressing nice is to show that you put some effort into the date. Now that you’re ready for the date, what do you do?

• Open the door. Every. Door. The car door, restaurant door, movie door, apartment/house door, etc. 
• PUT YOUR PHONE AWAY. If you’re on a date, nothing tells the other person how uninterested you are than by being on your phone.
• Always be on time. This isn’t a party or a birthday dinner. Being punctual will set the tone for the rest of the date especially if the other party is impatient.
• Focus on her. She is the only person in the room. If she doesn’t feel like you’re engaged, she will lose interest. I know.
• Smile and make eye contact. The eyes are the window to the soul and your smile must be the brightest in the room.
• Don’t tell her your life story. Keep her wanting more. The mysterious type always seems to be the most attractive. Don’t leave all your cards on the table.
• Pay. Ladies, we know you’re capable of paying but you shouldn’t have to. Gentlemen, you pay for the entire date. None of this “let’s go halfsies” crap- you’re not in a relationship yet.
• Listen, don’t just hear. There’s a vast difference between hearing and listening. Listening involves that you’re engaged in the conversation and you’re asking questions to show that you’re paying attention and you’re not just staring at her breasts.
• Relax. This isn’t a job interview. Be you. Own whoever you are and say everything with your chest (Kevin Hart voice).