Why do women like a**holes?

All I ever hear from my lady friends is, “he’s such an a**hole”, “I don’t know why I let him treat me this way”, “I know I can do better”, “he never does anything romantic for me”, “he rather spend time with his friends than with me”, and the list continues. Once I hear these statements, I then have about 172 thoughts that run through my head. Such as:

• If you know he’s an a**hole, why do you stay with him?
• Why do you let him treat you that way?
• You’re naive and I’m hungry.
• If you know you can do better why do you still stick around?
• What do you consider romantic?
• Have you told him how you feel?
• Is that bacon I smell?

Obviously those questions are not in chronological order because the last question would most certainly come first. It actually makes sense why women love a**holes but the fact of the matter is, I don’t want want to hear these questions from you if I give you advice and you completely ignore it. I understand that at the end of the day it’s your decision but if you come to me repeatedly with the same problem, I’m more than likely going to ignore you and just nod and smile because whatever I tell you you’re obviously going to ignore it. I’m an awesome friend. Don’t you hate that- When someone comes to you for the SAME advice and you constantly give them the SAME advice and they don’t EVER take the SAME advice? Sorry, I went off on a tangent there. Now let me finally tell you my hypothesis (with science involved!) as to why women love a**holes.

Well what sort of traits do these stereotypical bad boys have? I think we can all agree that they’re typically good looking, confident, strong energy, and social. These are just a few of the traits that most of these men probably have, correct? I just want to know why the nice guys can’t have these stereotypical traits. I’ve found out that these men typically will never commit to you, henceforward you’re more than likely going to chase after them. And what does that mean? It’s a challenge! Women love men who are comfortable with themselves and confident and it didn’t take me countless hours of research to find this out.

“You always want what you can’t have.”

This isn’t just isolated to women but can be applied to anything in life. Remember as a child when you wanted that hot wheel or barbie at Target and your parents told you that you couldn’t have it? You cried, whined, screamed, pouted, but the reality of it is that you wanted it more after they told you “no.” Since a**holes are typically emotionally unavailable they’ll show this by probably not texting you, not calling you, not being affectionate, placing their needs before yours or a variation of those things. What happens when they finally do that? It’s a reward! Here’s the scientific explanation behind this reinforcement that I read on some site awhile back:

“The most powerful and addictive type of behavioral reinforcement is called Intermittent Variable Ratio Reinforcement.”

What the heck does that mean? In laymen’s terms, this just mean that a reinforcement is given to you at random rather than after a specific action. Sometimes these men are actually nice, BUT the difficult part is that you never know when it will come. Womp. Now let’s apply this behavior towards their a-hole traits. If you look at their “nice” behavior as the prize or the reward, it makes complete sense as to why women stick around for all the crap their given. You deal with all their crap because you know that eventually you’ll be randomly rewarded for sticking around. If a nice guys is constantly nice to you, you won’t be necessarily rewarded since that behavior is consistent. Mind. Blown. Does this make sense or do I need to sit down with you and explain it over coffee? or ice cream? or macaroons?

Do you want to know how to fix this? Well read no further, because I have no clue. However, I do have a suggestion. Why don’t you date a nice guy? Is it because you like to chase these men who can care less who you are? Do you enjoy playing those games? Do you not want to date a nice guy because their chivalrous? Do you enjoy crying? Don’t you ALWAYS want to be “rewarded?” You’re probably asking yourself, “but Christian, where are all these nice guys?” Oh, we’re here. In the friend zone. Exactly where you left us.

Date idea- Drive in movie theater

If you don’t believe how old- fashioned I am, well now you should. Finding a drive in movie theater in Los Angeles is like finding a needle in a haystack. I can probably count on one hand how many drive in movie theaters I know of in the Los Angeles area, but I’ll be reviewing the only one I’ve been to. I’ve actually have been to another one in Chino but I vaguely remember the details of it so I’ll just stick to what I know. Drive in theaters are the epitome of an old- fashioned date where you’re able to have a more intimate setting in the front seat of your car. From my understanding, you began the date in the front seat but slowly drifted to the back seat if you get my drift. This spot is definitely one of LA’s little treasures that not many people know about. I’ve actually only been there a handful of times but it’s definitely something you can do to impress that special person in your life!

This drive in movie theater is snuggled on the second floor of a parking structure in Downtown LA between Broadway & Spring (great location!). The movies that are shown are all older but timeless classics including: Clockwork Orange, Goodfellas, Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, All About Eve, and plenty more! You can either drive in with your car, or walk in and sit on blankets or lawn chairs on the astroturf located in front of the screen portion and in front of the cars. You may easily miss the sign into the parking structure so I recommend that you get there a bit earlier just to ensure you enter the correct place. The times I’ve been there, there’s been trivia questions before the movie and the sound comes from a local radio station which I thought was super awesome! You’re able to purchase tickets on their website for $10 or it will be $13 at the door- cash. They do have a Snack Shack which offers BBQ items such as hot dogs, hamburgers, veggie burgers and a wide variety of candy, chips, beverages, and their locally made GIANT Brownie Stuffed Chocolate Chip Cookies!

Since summer is right around the corner, I’d suggest taking full advantage of this opportunity! Gentleman, I guarantee that this will make your lady swoon and if it doesn’t, she’s not the one for you, or anyone in that matter of fact. Just kidding. Bring your own blankets, snacks or anything else that you believe would make the night even better. Do purchase your tickets in advanced just in case it fills up and arrive a bit earlier to avoid getting lost as it is a bit tricky to find the structure. Right next door is Perch, which is an amazing rooftop lounge which looks over Perishing Square and the rest of Downtown Los Angeles if you’re interested in extending your date. Let me know how it goes!

Facebook: Electric Dusk Drive- In
Website: Electric Dusk Drive- In

Happy thoughts

 Happiness is a choice.

I’ve been reading numerous inspirational books since the year began and I’d highly recommend reading “Every Day a Friday” by Joel Osteen (you’ve probably seen him on KTLA at 6am on a Sunday). This book was referred to me by my friend/co- worker Rachele and I couldn’t keep my hands off the book once I picked it up. It’s actually on my iPad, so I’m not sure if the previous statement made any sense but you know where I was headed. It essentially speaks about how people tend to be happier on Fridays for obvious reasons: it’s the end of the week, it’s finally time to relax, mini- vacations, spending time with that special someone, etc. The best advice I received from this book is that, “How you live your life is totally up to you. It’s not dependent on your circumstances. It’s dependent on your choices.”

As simple as this may seem, it took me 23 years to realize that I should only worry about issues that I can control. I made a promise to myself a couple months back that I would have a more positive mindset and get rid of any other variables that may change that. More often than not we complain about the circumstances that we’re in. I’ve found myself complaining about how I have to go to work on a particular day but the mindset that I should have is that I get to go to work. This means that I’ve been blessed enough to have a career, while there’s others struggling to find a job. I’m sure we’ve all complained about how we’re constantly stuck in traffic, but at least you have a motor vehicle to get you from point A to point B while others don’t have that luxury. Abraham Lincoln said it best, “Most people are as happy as they’ve decided to be.” If you wake up with a smile on your face and a positive outlook on the day, it sets the tone for the rest of the day. Granted it may not always go as smooth as you’d like but focus on the issues that you can control. You may have some setbacks and your circumstances may change, but don’t let that change your mind. Keep it set on happiness.

I’ve found that more times than not we have what we need to be happy but we don’t have the right perspective. Everyone has something to be happy about right now. Whether that be our health, our jobs, our family, a spouse, or even an opportunity. Living in today’s society it’s fairly easy to take things for granted and not appreciate what we have. We always want more but don’t necessarily need more. We feel like we’re entitled to certain things but we don’t want to work for it. I’ve also found that we can create our own unhappiness by seeing what’s wrong rather than what’s right.

You choose the people that you surround yourself with which may easily have a direct or indirect impact on your happiness. Surround yourself with those who will uplift you and make you a better person. If they’re not pushing you up, they’re just pulling you down. In the past I’ve found myself trying to please others even if it was at the expense of my own happiness. When you let people squeeze you into their mold, you lose your uniqueness and essentially you also lose your identity. The older I get the more I appreciate how small my circle has become. Small circle, no squares. People will come in and out of your life, whether it be for a reason or a season or sometimes even both.

“Nothing happens to us; it happens for us”