What are the two main ingredients to form a relationship?

For whatever reason, the universe has decided to bring forth friends and strangers to me to discuss their mid- life crisis and somewhere along the way that triggered something in me and now I think I’ve began the same stage. I can’t believe that I’m going to be 25 in September. Damn. 25. That’s half way to 50. But it could be worse and I could be half way to 60. Just kidding. I’ve covered several topics under the mid- life crisis umbrella over the past couple of weeks, with numerous people covering their profession, school, moving to another city, finances, family, and the ever so popular- love. I’ve heard some of the most insanely heart breaking stories, but have also heard some of the most euphoric heart warming stories. It’s amazing how both the mind and the heart work and how they can react completely different from one another.

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You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.

 

I’m sure the initial thought of when you read the title of this post either made you smile or scared the heck out of you. That’s exactly what it should have done.

Who are the 5 people that you spend the most time within a 24 hour period? Maybe it’s not 5, but lets select at least 3 for this exercise. I’m assuming that amongst this group will include family, friends, colleagues, or even a spouse, correct? What are they doing with their lives?  How ambitious, successful, optimistic, or happy are they? Are they a positive force in your life? Do they uplift you? Do they challenge you? Do they see the good in people? I’m hoping that all 5 of these people in your life do so, but the reality is that not all of them do.

The older we get the more we begin to understand that people change (including ourselves), and for most of us it’s a realization that is hard to swallow. Why do people change? Values. What I consider an ideal night out now is definitely not what I considered an ideal night out 5 years ago and what I look for in a woman now is not what I looked for in a woman 5 years ago either. We also need to consider our environment because the environment always wins. You need to be conscious of where you spend your time and who you spend your time with. If you don’t feel that these people and places are substantially elevating your game and inspiring you to be bigger and better, then you need to find new people and places to be. Here’s a great exercise that I stole from another article which will help you assess what kind of people you surround yourself with and what environments you’re in:

Write down the 5 people you spend the most time with and the 3 environments you spend the most time in.

In regards to people, rate each of them on a scale of 1-10 in these categories (and don’t worry… they won’t see this):

Wealth consciousness (1-10)
Up to BIG things (1-10)
Encouraging & positive (1-10)
Health conscious (1-10)

In regards to your environment, rate each place on a scale of 1-10 in these categories:

Feels abundant (1-10)
Clean (1-10)
Good energy (1-10)
Positive & uplifting(1-10)

An 8 (for each) should be your bottom line. No less…

YES… it will be difficult to change.
YES… it will be worth it.
YES… the types of people and environments you’ve always dreamed about are out there.

You simply need to be conscious, courageous, and caring enough realize what isn’t working and make a commitment to find the type of people and places that will lift you up.

Then average your scores together in each category for each environment and person.

The most difficult part of this saying is not knowing what to do with family or friends that have been there for years (or your entire life). Do you just leave them because they don’t share the same values as you? Like they say, “it gets lonely at the top.” I’m going to go against societies norm and say that regardless of who they are, it’s your choice. You have the choice in surrounding yourself with people that will radiate positivity in your life or surrounding yourself with people that will continue to be a black cloud above you and your future. I’m sure some of you are thinking, “Christian, you’re such a douche for leaving those people behind.” I’m fine with that. With that being said, know that my parents are definitely 2 of those 5 people. I’ve adopted the saying that, “if they’re not lifting you up, they’re pulling you down.” All I ask for from people that I spend time with are that they are a positive force in my life. Now, the top 5 people in my life must contribute more than that because I know that if they’re not challenging me to be a better person and just as ambitious and goal- oriented as myself, I’ll accept the position I’m in and that’s the last thing I want and need.

Mediocrity is and never will be an option. When you settle for less, you place a glass ceiling above your head and you begin to tell yourself that you’ve exhausted all efforts in reaching the top. The closer you get to the top, the more you realize that there is no “top.” When you surround yourself with people that are your backbone, your foundation, and your rock, you’re already one step ahead of everyone else. You decide the people and the environment you’re in and I highly suggest that you begin assessing these variables if you haven’t already. Are you not where you want to be? Do you feel that the people currently in your life are not as enthusiastic in your future? Are you satisfied with just being content? Are you blinded by other people’s perceptions and beliefs?

I want to take the time to personally thank the 5 people I spend the most time with. I won’t drop any names since I might offend some people, but they know who they are. They know who they are because I’m sure I’m on their list as well. Thank you for always telling me things that I may not necessarily want to hear but need to hear. Thank you for being that positive force in my life and continually pushing me to not only do better but be better. Thank you for believing in me when I may not have believed in myself. Thank you for being my foundation and loving me for me- imperfections and all. Thank you for steering me in the direction that I may not know I should be in. Last but not least, thank you for your unconditional love. Without these people in my life I wouldn’t be where I am today and I’m forever grateful for their presence. Take the time to tell those 5 people in your life that you appreciate them. A little gratitude goes a long way.

Hi, my name is Christian.

The inspiration for this post actually came from a fellow blogger of mine, Bruna, who recently wrote an article about her story entitled, “My name is Bruna and I’m deeply flawed” (I know I know, way to get real creative with the title of your post Christian). For many of us, we rely on numerous avenues in order to vent our emotions and thoughts. Some of us might go for a run, others might speak to family members, friends, or a significant other. Fortunately for myself, I have a myriad of options which helps me get things off my chest. Today, it’s writing.

Some of you may know me, some may know of me, and some may actually can care less who I am, but the intention of this post is to really let you know a little bit of who I am and I commend those of you who are taking the time out of your busy days to read this. Today, you are my therapist whether you like it or not. You’re welcome. (Yes Ginger, I stole your line).

I don’t want this to come off as an autobiography but I’m certain that it will somehow transcend into something similar.

I’m an only child and I was raised by royalty. I’m sure most of you are assuming that by “royalty” I was referring to riches, right? Right. However, not the riches that you may be acquainted with. My parents were, and still are, rich with love which is by far more valuable than anything that money can by.

“Some people are so poor, all they have is money.”

I was blessed enough to come from two of the most compassionate, loving, supportive and understanding parents that anyone could ask for and I definitely could not be where I am today if it weren’t for their guidance and brutally honest advise that I never wanted to hear, but needed to hear. I’ve always struggled with feeling accepted, whether it be at school, amongst my peers, or even within my family and I never could understand that feeling since I’ve always had the most amazing friends and family. When people chose to walk out of my life, I somehow subconsciously blamed myself for their decisions and it always baffled me as to why I would think something so preposterous. It wasn’t until I actually had a conversation with my mother a couple years back that I was able to identify where this feeling was being stemmed from- I’m adopted.

I was raised with the mentality that I can have anything that I can want. Anything you name it, I was always empowered to go get it. Who else would stop me? What do I have to lose? I find that the majority of time we have the tools in order to be successful, but we let ourselves get in the way of what we want. Granted some of us face steeper obstacles than others, but I’ve also found that opportunities are rarely offered and more commonly seized.  You really have to assess where your time is being spent and how you can allocate more time and energy towards what you want. Whether it be a college degree, a career, a new pair of shoes, or even a significant other. Depending on how much you want something will be solely dependent on how much time you invest in it. You should always consider yourself as the exception and not the rule.

“The main thing is to keep the main thing the main thing.”

Like most of us, we’ve fallen in love, fallen out of love, broke hearts, had our hearts broken,  thought something was there when it really wasn’t and so forth. For those of you that have known me long enough to know all the women I’ve been in a relationship with (4- this number is debatable. Don’t ask.), know that I’ve accepted how things unfolded as each relationship came to an end. Some people hold grudges, some try to seek revenge, some are bitter, etc., but hate in your heart will consume you too. I’m actually glad that I dated women that were completely wrong for me and I would encourage you do the same. Why? Because now you know what you don’t want which may be as valuable if not more valuable than knowing what you do want. Go out with someone unexpected and see what happens. You could fall in love with that one quality that you never really noticed. You might be surprised at just whom you fall for. Even if you end up turned off and bored with the person, at least you have a funny story to tell. According to the book, “The Secret”, you attract whatever you put out into the world, so go out there with an open mind and you might actually be that person that someone else falls in love with. The law of attraction never fails.

“Life is not about weathering the storm, it’s learning to dance in the rain.”

Don’t let anyone be your anchor. The older we get the more susceptible we become to growing apart from those that you were once close to. This is typically rooted from what you value as opposed to what others value. I know for myself, I have friends that are still concerned about what club they’re going to this weekend or what person they’re hooking up with tonight and that was once was me (hard to believe huh? Ok, maybe not). I don’t knock them for having those motives but that just isn’t the person I am anymore. That was a phase in my life where I didn’t know who I was nor did I know what I wanted so all those things were just ways to cover my insecurities. What I slowly realized is that those were just bandaids and did not provide an actual solution. What I consider a perfect night out is dinner and drinks with friends at a low key restaurant followed by reading and a glass of vino to end the night. I’m definitely an old soul. I know. I get it. If you want something and it’s not of the norm or is not accepted by your peers, don’t let anyone tell you that you can’t have it. If what you want is in the open seas, swim out to get it with or without people by your side. Life is too short to be anything but happy and you need to able to take care of yourself before you can take care of others.

I was actually going to suggest 20 things you should do in your 20’s but elitedaily.com actually wrote an article earlier this month that pretty much aligns with what my thoughts were. Here they are and I’ve also provided the link receive additional clarification.
http://elitedaily.com/life/20-things-you-need-to-do-in-your-20s/

1. Be you.
2. Struggle.
3. Eat whatever the f*ck you want.
4. Date someone completely wrong for you.
5. Do something completely for thrill, maybe more than once.
6. Keep moving.
7. Travel the world.
8. Love your parents, thank and repay them.
9. Spend good, quality time with your family.
10. Mend the open wounds.
11. Meet a sh*t ton of new people.
12. Make unforgettable memories.
13. Continue to follow your dreams.
14. Be a sponge.
15. Pick up a new hobby.
16. Don’t dwell on the negatives.
17. Give back.
18. Cherish the people that have always been there.
19. Trust only a few.
20. Live in the moment, without fear or expectation of the future.

The Law of the Garbage Truck

“Many people are like garbage trucks. They run around full of garbage, full of frustration, full of anger, and full of disappointment. As their garbage piles up, they look for a place to dump it. And if you let them, they’ll dump it on you. So when someone wants to dump on you, don’t take it personally. Just smile, wave, wish them well, and move on. Believe me. You’ll be happier.”

Joel Osteen refers to this theory in his book, “Everyday a Friday”, which is actually a book written by the author David P. Jollay. Do you ever notice that when an argument is occurring, the person who appears to be more choleric increasingly becomes angrier because the other person is placid and collected? From my experience, I know that if you’re able to control your emotions, you’re less likely to say something that you will regret later down the road. Don’t make permanent decisions over temporary feelings. Although you might have said something in the heat of the moment, the other person will ALWAYS remember what you said (don’t you?). What do you benefit from being angry or getting upset? If you’re able to touch on subjects in a cordial and respectable manner amongst your peers, I’m sure that you’ll either reach a compromise or you might even get what you want (go figure). However, by screaming, cursing, or disrespecting the other person, you’re more susceptible to lose that battle. Put your ego aside, it’s not worth it.

If somebody drops a load of garbage on you, don’t be upset, angry, or offended. If you let them drop a load on you, you’ll make the same mistake as they did and you’ll end up dropping a load on someone else. Put a lid on it. Recycle the garbage. If you constantly are emptying the trash, you won’t have any garbage and you’ll be able to carry on with your life. If you do have garbage and you don’t think that you can take it out by yourself or recycle it, don’t be afraid to call upon a friend or a family member and help you release the garbage. Sometimes all you need is someone there that will take the time to assist you. For some people, they don’t even need someone to talk. Just listen. We let insults bother us because we feel that someone failed to show us the respect and the approval that we believe we need. Just smile, wave, and move on. They’re looking for a response and when you let them know that they got to you, you’re reinforcing their actions which is the last thing you need to light their fuel.

Change is the only constant

Why are we afraid of change? Simply put, it’s because we don’t want to go outside of our comfort zone. We place ourselves within a fenced area that anytime we step outside the fences we don’t know what to do with ourselves. Ask yourself this question, what would you do if you weren’t afraid? Think about it for a second… or multiple seconds.. or a minute.. or two. Think of the endless possibilities of what you could accomplish if you knew you had nothing to lose. Who knows, a change might be around the corner but instead of making that turn you keep walking straight in the same line that you’ve always been on course for.

“It is not the strongest of the species that survives, nor the most intelligent that survives. It is the one that is the most adaptable to change.”

The most beautiful thing about life is that if you don’t like the state that you’re in, you can change it. We’re so blessed to have so many resources such as education and technology  that we often take these things for granted. The stars do not have to align in order for you to make the best out of the situation. Like I’ve said several times before, you can’t change your circumstances but you can change your perspective. Life is going to throw curve balls at you and it is by far going to put the most burden on you, however, if you take those lessons and pull the positive out of it, I’m sure you’ll be much more happy. If you know you are better and can do better, what’s stopping you from going out there and doing so? If you know you deserve a better lifestyle, what’s stopping you from making that change? It’s only when we change and grow, is when we see a whole new world that we never knew existed.

“Change is the only constant. Hanging on is the only sin.”

I see so many of my peers caught in this limbo stage of not knowing what to do in the next chapter of the life but I steadily begin to see that they’re still hanging onto the past. We all have memories that we want to keep which we hold close to our heart, but by doing so the only thing that you’re doing is clipping your wings. Change has to come within and you cannot depend on anyone else to make that change for you. You can only change if you want to change. Do yourself a favor and embrace change and adapt to your surroundings. It’s such a beautiful thing when you let go and let God.