Call me old fashioned, but I believe that chivalry isn’t dead.
The damsel in distress is trapped in the tower of the enemy’s castle. Her only hope for survival is the prince, her knight in shining armor who will climb up the tower to rescue his princess and carry her off into the sunset. He jumps over the moat, climbs the tower, lifts her up over his shoulder, and props her onto the horse. He slays the dragon and the happy couple are whisked away into the flickering night sky. Ok, now back to reality…
where knights don’t exist, dragons don’t exist, and to some, where chivalry doesn’t exist.
I absolutely love being asked this question because I never have the same answer but it’s always a variation of a previous answer. My fellow blogger Bruna was on point when she described that is depends on who you’re asking:
“If you’re a guy and consider yourself a true gentleman, you’d say false. If you’re a guy that’s not a gentleman, you’d probably still say false because you don’t wanna look like a douche. Ladies will have all kinds of answers depending on their experiences.”
Since this answer is clearly subjective and there will never be a correct answer, I’ll go ahead and state my POV. “Chivalry isn’t dead, it’s on life support.” I’m not sure who to give credit to for that quote since I’ve seen many authors claim to be their work. Claiming that it’s on life support is the best way I thought to describe it’s current status since it’s not as evident as it probably should be. I don’t believe that we can place the entire blame on men for not being chivalrous because as progressive as this society is, there are women out there who take it the wrong way and interpret it as they’re inferior.
I can open my own door. I can pay for my own drink. I can carry my own bags. I can hold my own umbrella. As men, we’ve probably heard a variation of this sometime in our life. Ladies, we know that you’re capable of doing all of the above but you shouldn’t. Obviously the more serious you get into a relationship you tend to split the bill or take turns paying for the bill (wanna go halfsies?). Let me reiterate the fact that we know you’re capable of doing so but you shouldn’t. I believe that men have perhaps become confused on how to treat a woman because of women’s ambivalence about chivalry. Will paying for the date or opening the door be interpreted as sexist? Will offering to hold your groceries imply that you’re weak? This is what I mean. These once chivalrous acts have now transcended into meaning that because we’re offering to do certain acts, we believe that you’re inferior. That’s a bit extreme, but I know that women love their modern independence in love and in life, but deep down, they just want to be treated like a lady. It’s an understanding that had to be broken down by mother. Yes, my mother.
This is where I feel where you’re coming from ladies. Say you go on a first date and a man is the utmost gentleman where he is punctual, walks to your door to pick you up, opens every door, refuses to let you pay for the bill, and finally takes you home. Now what? The expectation from women that I’ve spoken to is that because you were prince charming on the first date is that now you expect an invite inside for some sex (lets be real fellas). I completely understand and I actually don’t disagree with you. From the stories that I’ve heard, I’d say that in about 3/4 of all first dates, men expect some lovin’ in return for how well the date went. You can ask men who won’t tell you the honest answer and you can ask the ladies who have felt that pressure but that hypothesis is in the ball park. As prevalent as “hooking up” has become, it’s not uncommon for a woman to question a man’s motives because of this. Now where are the chivalrous nice guys at? We’re in the friend zone, right where you left us. Truth.
What is chivalry though? Although the term has a definite meaning, the interpretation is subjective. Women want to be courted and grand gestures are completely unnecessary. Women just want someone they can count on. Anyone can buy a luxurious purse, some Christian Louboutin heels, a Tiffany bracelet, but can you plan a creative date, send her flowers for no apparent reason, surprise her with something you created? I’ve realized that doing the little things for her is a screening process and can be the deal breaker.
“Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication”
I’ve asked a couple friends and we came up with a plethora of ways to be chivalrous. Notice how these don’t concern money at all. You’re welcome.
- Be a man of your word- If you’re going to call- do so. If you plan a date at 8pm- be on time. Punctuality is everything. Women crave reliability but no longer anticipate it.
- Avoiding games- Be a man, not a boy. Let them know what you want regardless if it may not be what they want. You’ll be respected for it. Don’t beat around the bush.
- Getting the car when it’s raining- You’re out on a date and you parked 5 blocks from the venue because there wasn’t any valet or closer parking. Drop her off in front of the restaurant before the date and go get the car after the date. It’s really that simple. We know that’s why they invented umbrellas but I’m sure walking in heels in the rain isn’t that exciting- yet alone walking in heels. How do they do that for a whole day?
- Small, public gestures of affection- Most women don’t enjoy all out PDA but holding their hands and occasional pecks on the cheek or forehead will make her swoon. Bet.
- Always lend a hand- If she’s struggling to carry a heavy load or she’s juggling multiple items, lend her a hand- even if you don’t know her. This actually can pertain to anyone.
- Make her your everything in front of everyone every time. – Acknowledge that she is there and don’t be afraid to let everyone in the room know it.
- Honesty and loyalty- No one likes a liar and no one likes a cheater. You get it.
- Uplift her- Every woman is insecure in some fashion. Compliments will limit that.
- Give without the expectation of receiving- Put more into the world than what you take out.
- Privacy- Keep your arguments between the two of you and not with the world. I’ve seen so many couples blast each other on social networks and it eventually tarnishes and destructs the relationship. No need to do all of that.
What do you think? E-mail, comment, Facebook, Twitter, anything. Feedback is more than welcome!
I still have hope for the male species.
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