Unrequited love

 

“Cupid sometimes runs out of arrows and shoots one person instead of two”

 

After having a conversation with a friend the other day about a girl that he loved but she didn’t feel the same way back, I decided to write about it since we’ve all experienced it. If you haven’t experienced it, then I think I can speak for everyone and say that we hate you. No really, we hate you. For those of you that don’t know what unrequited love is, it’s essentially when you’re hopelessly in love with someone but they don’t feel the same way back. We typically experience such feelings in grade school when the guy or girl you like has no clue you’re alive or even worse, when you’re stuck in the friend zone AND they know. Let me tell you a little about my friend’s story ( he will be kept anonymous but graciously let me use his story ).

My friend met this girl at work about a year ago and as time progressed, he gained feelings for her although they constantly hung out inside and outside of work but in a group setting. They took group trips, they shared personal stories, and they essentially became best friends. He told her how he felt a couple months ago but unfortunately she didn’t feel the same way as he wasn’t her type and felt that they got too close to explore that sort of relationship. Their relationship hasn’t been the same ever since as she’s afraid to hang out with him because she doesn’t want to lead him on and he doesn’t know if he can be around someone that doesn’t feel the same way back. Present day, they still keep in touch but it’s awkward for both of them to be in the same room alone as they’re not able to address the pink elephant in the room.

Does this story feel close to home for anyone? I’m sure we’ve experienced it in one way or another but the feeling is consistent. Why do we do it? Why do we continue to love someone that we know doesn’t feel the same way? Is it because there’s hope? Or is it because we can’t control the way we feel? There’s an endless amount of questions that we can ask, but the answers will always be dynamic as there is no objective answer to these questions. Loving someone that doesn’t love you back is probably one of the worst feelings that one can feel. Since it’s probably something that we can’t avoid, how do we deal with it? Sometimes romantic love isn’t a conscious decision. Maybe that other person wants to love you, but doesn’t, simply for reasons they don’t understand or will ever understand. How do you explain love to a 5 year? We all struggle with it because love can rarely be told in words, it’s just felt.

On the other hand, is unrequited love that bad? There’s a weird pleasure in loving someone that doesn’t love you. You’ll never be heartbroken. Ever. Think about all the famous tv shows that have had unrequited love between characters: Screech with Lisa in Save by the Bell, Steve Urkel and Laura in Family Matters, Howard with every woman in The Big Bang Theory, and so forth. Sometimes unrequited can stem stronger friendships and although they might not love you back romantically, is it worth losing their friendship over? There’s no correct answer to that question but I challenge you to challenge yourself in situations like these. These are the sort of the things that you can control. 

Many people might assume that an unrequited love is a feeling of weakness, but like I’ve mentioned in previous posts- you can’t change your circumstances but you can change your perspective. Instead of feeling down or kicking yourself over it, embrace it! I know, it sounds stupid but then again loving someone that doesn’t love you back seems just as illogical, right?. If you can’t control a situation or how someone feels, direct yourself to situations that you can control. If you’ve already expressed how you felt and they don’t feel the same way, what can you do? Absolutely nothing- it’s the ugly truth. We need to be able embrace our feelings and let it empower us rather than letting it be our catalyst to our lives. It may seem easier said than done, but I’ve been in that position and it will eat you if you let it. I’m a firm believer that there is someone on this planet that is meant for you and that with time they will find you. Notice that I didn’t say, “you will find them”. Sometimes we rush and/or force ourselves to find someone and that usually leads us to settling for someone that isn’t intended for us. Patience is a virtue but anything worth having is worth waiting for. Focus on yourself and someone that is worth your time will come right along- I promise. One sided love is not your fault or theirs. You will drown in heartache until you find someone who loves you enough to save you from your own sea of tears.