I’ve recently had a handful of friends approach me and tell me they like someone but they’re not sure how to tell them without being too aggressive. Story. Of. My. Life. You know what I mean. How do you tell someone you like them without literally telling them you like them? Or maybe you want to tell them, but you don’t have the confidence nor the courage to tell that person. It’s a challenge for anyone because you fear being rejected, but it could be extremely rewarding and they can tell you that they feel the same way. It’s a high risk and high reward situation. Regardless of the situation, I’m not still not sure if there’s a right way to do so. However, I am here to tell you what I would do… you know, being single and all.
Remember everything. I cannot tell you how appreciative people are when you remember the little things, even if it’s their name. Whether it be their favorite drink at Starbucks, what color nail polish they wore last week, if they got a haircut, a new shirt, a new pair of heels, their favorite restaurant, their favorite alcoholic beverage, etc., they will always be amazed. Always. You know when they say, “it’s the little things that matter?” They weren’t kidding. This shows that you’re paying attention (even if you’re forcing yourself to and it’s not natural), and “paying attention” is always a prerequisite to a relationship.
If you’re out about at a bar par, lounge, party, gathering, etc. the worst thing you can do is stand in one place and hope to be noticed. Passiveness- aint nobody got time for that. You also don’t want to surround yourself with too many people because this gives the person the opportunity to meet you without entertaining the rest of the group. I’d say a group of 3-4 people would suffice. Non- verbals are everythang (that’s not a typo by the way). Everything from eye contact, smiling, placing a hand on the knee/arm, walking arm-in-arm, sitting next to each other rather than across from each other, etc. are subtle gestures that surpass the “friend zone” and should provide hints. Sometimes the best form of communication is not saying anything at all.
Take the time to express yourself and wait for reciprocation. Whatever move you choose to do, don’t be hasty. Some of most common mistakes I see amongst people that have these crushes is that they’re either overconfident or impatient (or both). You have nothing to lose if you wait a couple weeks/months to ensure that you’re not misinterpreting any signs that the other party is sending. The most beautiful things in life often occur naturally and not forced. If you’re excited when they walk in, express it. I’m a believer that one of the ways to a woman’s heart is by laughter. Every woman enjoys a man that can take a miserable situation and make the best out of it. Life is not about weathering the storm, it’s about learning to dance in the rain. Make sure you are their biggest cheerleader and encourage them to do things that they’re passionate about. Support their cause.
Take the initiative and be proactive. I suppose this is more-so for the gentlemen out there rather than the ladies, since societal norms tells us that if women approach a man they will be ostracized (I highly disagree). You want to be able to show that you’re putting forth the effort to make things happen and you’re being proactive, rather than reactive. All women want a man that can take charge. Maybe not all of the time, but most of the time. Think about it. How many times have you asked a woman questions such as, “Where do you want to eat?” or “What movie do you want to see?” and they’ve responded with “It doesn’t matter”, “I don’t care”, “Whatever you want”, “I’m up for anything”. Yea.. well.. they defer to you to make those choices because it’s apparently a man’s innate ability to make those decisions. But if you suggest what color the bathroom should be, or what centerpiece you want for your wedding, or what food to have at a family dinner, be prepared to have your fingers cut off. Ok, maybe not that extreme but you will receive “the look”.
With that being said, if there’s anything I wanted you to get from this article is that you need to make things happen and overcome that fear. Opportunities are seized, not offered. What do you have to lose? The other person saying “No”? Now what? The best thing about life is that it goes on. Embrace the person within and you will never be insecure. Things will fall into place as needed. Life is complicated as it is, no need to add fuel to the fire.
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