Can you date the same person twice?

I suppose the question should really be, “Should you date the person twice?” rather than “Can you date the person twice?”. If I’m asking “Can you?”, I’m essentially asking if you’re capable of dating the same person twice and obviously that question is yes. But, the real question is, “Should you?”. I’ve been in and out of the dating scene for some time now (more out than in actually) but I’ve always told myself that I would never date the same person twice. I have friends that can easily do so and see no problem with it, but I can’t wrap my head around that concept. I won’t lie though, the last person I dated I had previously dated and that is probably why my position on this subject is so stern. I’ll go ahead and argue both sides in this post since I understand that not everyone has the same mentality as me when it comes to this issue… or any issue for that fact.

For many relationships, regardless of the generation, there appears to be a common theme of time periods where they separate for an elongated time and they’re able to set aside their differences. I guess they would consider that person their “soulmate” because of the adversity they were able to over come or what not. For those that have dated the same person twice, they all have given me a variation of the following responses:

• This is God’s way of telling us that it’s meant to be
• They’ve changed
• It’s different now, we’re older and have both learned from the past
• It’s true love
• After dating someone else, I realized how amazing they were

I can probably only agree with the last point, because unfortunately, it takes us losing something or someone to realize it’s value. Regardless of what the reason may be, they’ve gone back to the person they once had feelings for because those feelings arose and they followed their emotions. Those that have dated the same person twice LOVE using the below quote:

“If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, it’s yours forever. If it doesn’t, then it was never meant to be”

Now this is where I begin my rebuttal. First, that above quote is the most preposterous thing I’ve ever heard in my life. If you love something, why in the world would you let it go in the first place? If you loved something, wouldn’t you want to hold onto it with all your might to prevent it from leaving you? Perhaps I’m over thinking the quote, but that doesn’t make sense to me. If you have a different opinion, please explain. Second, I feel that dating the same person twice is like reading the same book twice. You already know the ending, so why read the book again? Yes, you might have loved the book and you might interpret it differently the second time around but the ending is the same regardless of your interpretation. For example, at the end of Lion King (yes I’m using a Disney movie as a reference), Simba takes over Pride Rock as the new king after defeating Scar. Can you argue that? No. Why would’t you want to read a new book and expose to yourself to the other beautiful things life has to offer? Who knows, you might actually like the book. Third, if you weren’t able to work out your differences the first time and the end result was to break up, what makes you think history won’t repeat itself? I find that it’s much easier to result to breaking up and quitting rather than working it out and fighting for that relationship you had. We’re so quick to say “I love you” and “it’s over”, but we’re hesitant to tell each other that “everything is going to be okay” or “we’re going to make this work.” I believe it’s a generation thing. If you don’t believe me, look at the divorce rate for those between 18-30 as opposed to those in their 50’s and older.

The reason I believe we go back to that same person is because we get comfortable. Just like anything in life, once we have an acquired taste to something, we determine that we enjoy it and want to experience it again. The problem with that is that with some people, it limits them from trying other things in the world because they’re so comfortable with what they already have that they’re scared to try new things. They’re afraid that they might not like it and for some, they know that if they do like it they’ll leave with what they’re comfortable with… which essentially frightens them as well. This doesn’t just apply to relationships, but we need to be able to take calculated risks and try those other things. Whether it be new food, talking to a stranger, going skydiving, or going to a foreign country, we need to feel comfortable with ourselves to know that the only way to expose yourself to life’s wonders we need to be open minded.

It’s easy to get caught up in love, but we often listen to our heart rather than our head which leaves us vulnerable.

Do you think you can date the same person twice? Are you currently dating someone that you’ve dated before? Are the same issues occurring? Were you able to set aside your differences? What does it take to make things work? All feedback is more than welcome.